exiled modalities - venetia ghozlan's poetry zone

Embryonic - (A Sacred Song Space Offering)

Jun 10, '08 8:12 PM
for everyone

Sacred Song Space has weekly writing challenges; this week's challenge is to compose something about a guilty pleasure...

there it lies
within layers of obsequiousness and obscurity
a timid kernel
embryonic
beneath refined porcelain skin and limbs
that if breathe on, baby breath softly
would flare
inciting riotous, scorching
heat
but no - the mouse fears the predation
it abhors brashness and boldness
it fears the flame
finding monotonous comfort, in cool certainties
perhaps the kernel remains disguised
for those reasons
yet
it wants to burn and feel the fire
that lies hidden and
embryonic

Tags: sacredsongspace

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9 CommentsChronological Reverse Threaded

beeagain wrote on Jun 10

thank you----

vghozlan wrote on Jun 10

beeagain said

thank you----

eh? Love, what are you thanking me for?

lunarechoes wrote on Jun 10

I find the idea of the timid "mouse," obsequious, wishing guiltily for the fire, to be intriguing. Personally, I don't see the reason for the guilt--but the poem makes that so clear, forces me out of my own perspective and into that of the timid being that "finds monotonous comfort, in cool certainties." Brava!

mamabearcherei wrote on Jun 11

lol.. Ok.. I hope by now.. you've figured out.. I'm horrid at interpretation.. I'm picturing this cute little twitchy mouse.. standing by a fireplace.. watching a popcorn seed.. and waiting for that seed to POP.. out to him!

Bet, I'm WAY off base!! lol

vghozlan wrote on Jun 11, edited on Jun 11

mamabearcherei said

no one cares about your interpretations...it's your ignorant comments such as "Prince Valiant". LOL.

Or when someone asks you to clarify, you refuse to, especially since it is obvious that you have read the response. LOL.

Both lunarechos and I, on at least two previous posts asked you a question and you failed to do so. LOL.

It's your right, not to respond, of course. LOL.

vghozlan wrote on Jun 11

Karen - sometimes even the mice want to be the predator...in their mousy hearts of hearts...lol...maybe I should revise and elaborate on the reason(s) for the guilt...hmmm

javellef wrote on Jun 11

Poor mousy. Wonderful write!

lunarechoes wrote on Jun 11

No, not at all. As I said, they're clear in the poem--just not in my head. That is, without the poem, I wouldn't get why the prey would feel guilty about wanting to be the predator for a change. Clearly, in this case, the mouse is more highly evolved than I. ;-)

lunarechoes wrote on Jun 11, edited on Jun 11

Mamabear, I have to admit that I am still confused and concerned about that one comment, which appeared to be saying that the child victims of sexual abuse are responsible for what happens to them if they don't find a way to put a stop to it. I felt almost sure that you couldn't possibly mean that, but the comment did sound that way, so I asked you about it--and when you didn't reply, I thought maybe you hadn't seen it in that thread, so I asked you about it in another. Your views are your views, but since you stated your views publicly--and in a way that wasn't clear to at least a couple people (and I noticed that at least two others had replied to your comment, then deleted their replies, so I assume they were unhappy and/or confused, too)--I would have thought you'd want to let people know what you'd meant to say originally.

I wasn't going to bring it up again, but since Vee mentioned it, I thought I'd let you know--I am still curious. That comment has stuck with me ever since you made it.

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exiled modalities - venetia ghozlan's poetry zone